As you may have guessed, I have this friend. I've known him for about two and a half years...and I've liked him since about half an hour after I met him. For convenience's sake, let's call him Boy. He's one of those few genuinely great guys. You probably wouldn't notice him in a crowd, but once you meet him, you'd probably see him everywhere (for the record, this might just be me :P), or wish that you did.
I met during my failed attempt at full time uni. He was in his final year and I was just starting my second year when we met. We hit it off pretty well and ended up spending a lot of time together. We'd hang out with our tea and cigarettes outside the cafeteria and sometimes end up talking for hours about nothing in particular.
He brought me tea and let talk out my sadness, for want of a better word. He didn't flinch when I told him something about our family I'd told very few people. The last time I'd told a guy this, that guy had said "ouch" and changed the subject, he had been a guy I thought I had something with. I had been mistaken.
About six months after I met him, I thought Boy and I might be able to have something. As it happened, I ended up leaving the uni. He graduated two months after I left.
We both live in the same city, but in the 2 years since I left uni, we only communicated via text message, Google talk, or the very occasional phone call. We've hung out once, earlier this year. And I bumped into him at a cafe briefly last year.
All my friends tell me I need to get over him or, short of that, need to find out whether he's even interested. The only problem with that is that we have no common friends. At uni it would just be the two of us. Very occasionally some of his or my friends would show up. If it was his friend he'd end up talking to them briefly before turning back to our conversation, and the same would happen if it were my friend, but it'd be me who would talk to said friend and then turn back to our conversation.
It's been two and a half years now. I don't know whether I can be satisfied with this anymore. This sporadic conversationing and barely spending any actual time together. I really wish sometimes, that, if for no other reason than to have gotten to know him better, I'd have stayed those two months.
Now it seems that he's withdrawing. It might be that he's just busy with his job. Or it might be that this connection has spent too much time on the back burner and may be suffering for it. But I don't know how to talk to him more without feeling like I'm being pushy. He doesn't ever text first. He is the one who calls though. Even though those are few and far between. I think over the last few years we've not spoken more than 3 times on the phone.
You'd think I'd have gotten over him a long time ago. It seems, though, that I can't stop thinking about him. I don't know whether this is an infatuation or really has what it takes to go the distance.
I figure the only thing that I can do is ask him whether he's interested in exploring whether this could be something more. But how does one do that? How does one ask a friend if they're interested without endigd up losing the friend?
Any advice or pointers would be great. I'm not good at the whole guy/girl thing. So please help me figure this one out...
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