A Letter to my tutor

Dear Sir,

I feel like I should be apologizing for wasting your time. For giving you false hope that I may, one day, go forward and write my PhD. Perhaps now would be a good time to tell you that I don't think I have it. The stuff, the dedication, the inspiration it takes to write, any work, let alone truly great work, of any importance.

I spend my days dreaming big and talking passionately. But I fear that there may actually be nothing behind it. I fear that it never gets past the surface. If I can never acheive a deeper understanding, how am I supposed to take anything further?

I realize that for most mathematicians, there is actually a very serious amount of continuous hard work and dedication. But then I fear that I may have taken a wrong turn on the road to finding my way to being a good mathematician.

Most of my time is spent trapped in my head trying to find a greater understanding of things I do not necessarily understand.

I'm sorry if I ever misled you or disappointed you.

Yours,

Sameen

The Key

Lately it seems that most of what I've written has been about me being tired and confused and unhappy. At times it seems so simply to just let go and let things be. To focus on that which matters and let everything else go.

Maybe I simply think far too much. Maybe letting go of things that I don't have any control over isn't such a difficult thing to do. Perhaps I simply have to stop thinking and trying to fix everything.

Perhaps that is where the key lies. To simply trust in God and take things as they come.

Let's see how long this will last...