Dear Sir,
I feel like I should be apologizing for wasting your time. For giving you false hope that I may, one day, go forward and write my PhD. Perhaps now would be a good time to tell you that I don't think I have it. The stuff, the dedication, the inspiration it takes to write, any work, let alone truly great work, of any importance.
I spend my days dreaming big and talking passionately. But I fear that there may actually be nothing behind it. I fear that it never gets past the surface. If I can never acheive a deeper understanding, how am I supposed to take anything further?
I realize that for most mathematicians, there is actually a very serious amount of continuous hard work and dedication. But then I fear that I may have taken a wrong turn on the road to finding my way to being a good mathematician.
Most of my time is spent trapped in my head trying to find a greater understanding of things I do not necessarily understand.
I'm sorry if I ever misled you or disappointed you.
Yours,
Sameen
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