Every few weeks I seem to find myself at this very point. And then I decide, right...what I'm doing now is something I've wanted to do for a very long time...so I should stick with it. Then I stop thinking about it. Except for this niggling doubt that I'll be total shit at it.
I'm studying Pure Mathematics, for those of you who want to know. I planned on going into teaching and research. But I really can't shake the feeling that I'll be total cow patties at it. At least the research part. I enjoy teaching. But it's the research part that gets me every time. I keep thinking...that needs a lot of brains...maybe I don't have the right type of brains...then what?
And then I think...something more hands on like engineering might be far more interesting! But what do I know if engineering? Nothing. I know none whom I can speak to...so what to do? If I were still at school I would have gone to my academic counselor and asked for some advice. But I'm not. I'm 24 and studying from home. So to whom do I go to for advice?
I don't think I've ever felt so directionless before. And I've had my fair share of confusion.
I think perhaps the problem is that I want to make a difference. And to make a difference through teaching doesn't really have any tangible effect for a while. And I've always been more of an immediate effect kind of person. Perhaps through something more engineering or physics based I'd be able to to something that might have a more tangible effect.
And that is where the problem arises. I've never studied physics, and I'm pretty certain engineering uses physics. Studying physics now wouldn't be hard. It would just mean my degree will take perhaps a bit longer.
Decisions. Decisions. I hate decisions. I may end up just sticking with what I'm doing. But who knows...
No comments:
Post a Comment