I'm a smoker. I want to quit.

I'm a smoker. I want to quit.

But here's the deal, all you non-smokers out there, it's not easy. And less so for those whose family members don't know. You start in secret and you'd rather quit in secret than tell them something that would break their hearts.

I have days when I could smoke a pack and days where I barely feel like touching a cigarette. But I have one rule, which since I made I haven't broken. I don't smoke at home. At all.

I smoke when I'm out. Which is basically at my tutors' place in the evenings. I try not to smoke during the day even if I'm out. Another rule I'm trying to put into place. But this one is a little harder than the first. But I'm trying.

I've cut down considerably since I came home. Whilst I was away at college, I could smoke a pack a day, and very often that's just what I did. But here's the thing, it made me feel like crap, so I'd cut down. And then for various reasons, it would climb right back up.

But recently I've kept it to no more than 4 in a day, 5 on a bad day. But I try to smoke as little as I can.

There are days, when I don't leave the house and so don't end up smoking at all. Mostly, those days are fine. But when I get to the three day mark, it gets hard. Whether it's from spending too much time with family or from withdrawal, I don't know.

This is the situation as it stands right now.

I'm trying to make positive changes in my life. I've started exercising again. I've noticed that when I exercise I feel less like smoking.

I've started drinking more water. How that's connected to this we'll see. It may just help with the inevitable weight gain issue, which comes hand in hand with quitting. Here's hoping.

In a sense, I guess I'm trying to replace cigarettes with exercise. No one can say that's a bad thing.

So here goes.

Success or failures, I shall try and chronicle them here. And at the end of it, hopefully I'll have quit.